Sunday, August 20, 2006

Smack spoken here.

Fantasy football has many features that appeal to its fans. It widens interest beyond the home team. It lets dedicated fans showcase their ability to assess talent. It emulates a GM’s task of building a balanced team and a coach’s need to manage a roster. Trash talk and insults to the lineage of fellow owners are also part of the game. It’s a testosterone thing, made easier when leagues are face-to-face affairs of buddies and co-workers. Sadly, it has become a lost art in the internet age. This is fantasy football people! Smack is supposed to fly.

With the internet leagues forming, Master4Caster has searched to the end of the Internet for trash talking study guides. Some of the best -- or worst -- are presented here for your learning pleasure.

You have a modest little team, with much to be modest about.

If you win 2 of your last 5, you can rename your team the 4&9ers.

My mom always told me, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. But then my mom never got to got to play your sorry-ass team.

And your cry-baby, whiny-assed opinion would be …?

If you flush your team, it may go away.

Time for your medication?

That’s OK, keep picking. Someday you’ll make an intelligent choice.

Take notes so that you'll know how to win next year.

Are you gonna try and beat me with THAT line-up?

That defense couldn’t cover a bed with a blanket.

Vegas only favors me by 21 points this week. Boy it hurts to lose my stars on their bye weeks.

Somehow you managed to eek out a win, but you have never been good with numbers - that's why they made you the boss.

As my team sits atop the league standings, teams envision something must be astray. They can't imagine that their weak ass teams could be their fault. must be luck, must be a leap year, must be collusion.

Oh sure you want all my talent for the crap you have.

I could make a monkey of you with that pick. But, why should I take credit.

Maybe you should stay with poker. You only lost $100 in that.

I suppose you could still win, provided Travis Henry scores three touchdowns over 50 yards.

Wow, you seem to have the market cornered for overweight aging running backs.

I can see why you traded out of the first round with your history of picking bad players.

Besides the fact that person retired in the off-season, that pick was a steal.

Some of the above was compiled by David Dodds in 2001. See his article at for the art of smack.


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